Dec. 22nd, 2014

lillian13: (Default)
 It's been a week and it's only going to go on. Venting ahead, feel free to skip.

Last week, on the prep day for my colonoscopy, the mammogram folks called me and wanted me to come in for an ultrasound of my left breast. So I had that anxiety free-floating all through the horrible all-liquid prep, subsequent dehydration and FOUR TRIES to start an IV on me (I have some excellent bruises). 

I did have a good show on Saturday, where I was not only inside but next to the bar, and a lovely woman named Mary Grace and her two teenage sons insisted on helping me load out. And by "helping", I mean they did 90% of the moving and loading. It was very appreciated!

I wanted to to that show on Sunday as well, but since I have FOUR CHRISTMAS FAMILY THINGS this week, I needed Sunday to Do All The Things. I did A Lot Of The Things.

Got up too early this morning (though nowhere near as early as Colonoscopy Friday, 4 am is just gross), and after my boob was ultrasounded, the radiologist explained that my lymph node was denser and rounder than last year, and they really want to do a needle biopsy. So now I'm waiting to hear from my gynecologist, which may not happen until after Christmas. I'm calling tomorrow just to speed things along. Because I Do Not Need This Shit Right Now, Thanks.

I KNOW, logically, that it is overwhelmingly likely that it's nothing serious. But I lost both my sister and mother to cancer, and I'm really, really scared.

It didn't help matters any that I came in to find a work crew busy building out the cubes on the other side of my wall, so my day was spent with very loud banging, drilling, talking, dropped metallic objects, and did I mention the constant hammering and banging that transmitted into my desk and keyboard? I was able to escape for a bit with my boss's blessing, but driving around 3 days before Christmas on errands is not exactly soothing.

So now I'm very tense and slightly hyper, I have work the next two days and the in-laws Christmas tomorrow (about 45 minutes north of here), then Christmas Eve with L and J and J's mom, and I have to clean that day since we're doing the Divorce Christmas again, with my brother in the morning and at my place with my sister-in-law that afternoon so my house has to be at least habitable and I've been staging shows out of it for a month and I've just about had it and it isn't even goddamn Christmas yet.

EVERYTHING is setting me off. Normally I just roll with things and weeks like this but it's just been one damned thing after another and I'm just so stressed and worried. I've been crying over everything and my stomach is all in knots.

But I did get the thank-you cookies to the cafeteria crew and the mailroom crew at work, and dropped some off at my pharmacy (because they're awesome) and bought cupcakes for my mechanics and a box of candy for the lovely folks selling my work for me at Blue Genie. And I'm leaving brownies in the mailbox for my mail carrier. And my Christmas lights look awesome and I've been selling well at Blue Genie and that rattle in my engine compartment I thought was serious was just my loose hood lever. (Thus, my mechanic gets cupcakes.)

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