Avast, Mateys! It be Talk Like a Pirate Day!

I be Wench Rough Heart! Of the good ship Posideon's Strumpet!
English-to-Pirate translator

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The Seven Habits of Highly Successful Pirates (stolen from Wikipedia)

The following is a list of rules found in Schlock Mercenary. The rules are ordered by rule number, where given. 

1. Pillage, then burn.
6. If violence wasn’t your last resort, you failed to resort to enough of it.
8. Mockery and derision have their place. Usually, it's on the far side of the airlock.
9. Never turn your back on an enemy.
12. A soft answer turneth away wrath. Once wrath is looking the other way, shoot it in the head. 
13. Do unto others.  
16. Your name is in the mouth of others: be sure it has teeth.  
27. Don't be afraid to be the first to resort to violence.
29. The enemy of my enemy is my enemy's enemy. No more. No less.  
30. A little trust goes a long way. The less you use, the further you'll go.
31. Only cheaters prosper. 
34. If you’re leaving scorch-marks, you need a bigger gun.  
35. That which does not kill you has made a tactical error. 
36. When the going gets tough, the tough call for close air support.  
37. There is no "overkill". There is only "open fire" and "I need to reload."
xx. Give a man a fish, feed him for a day. Take his fish away and tell him he's lucky just to be alive, and he'll figure out how to catch another one for you to take tomorrow. 
xx. Just because it's easy for you doesn't mean it can't be hard on your clients. 

Plus, just to let y'all know how busy I am--my boss got approval for at least 8 hours of overtime for me this week...