lillian13 | Entries tagged with family

I'm going to brag on myself just a tad.

My brother-in-law (sister's widower), has had a really bad run lately. First Cindy died--they'd been married 28 years--then both his parents died. THEN his asshole of a boss fires him. So I'd been pestering him about getting on unemployment, about contacting whoever is executing his parents' estate, etc. etc. As I do, when I worry.

About 3 weeks ago, an old friend posted on FB that she was looking for techs in the Midland/Odessa area (where he lives). I forwarded her his information, and after some back-and-forth, they made him an offer this morning. I just sent him the funds via Western Union (pricey!) to get his driver's license reinstated. He'll be driving around in a company van, fixing ATMs. Not what he was doing, which was CAD work for oil companies, but at least he can pay rent and get out of his apartment.

This is what I love to do. Make connections and Get Things Done. Wish I was doing more of it in my day job, but I'll take it where I can get it.

House: Still unpacking, down to a handful of boxes in the living room, a couple in the bedroom, and several in the office/indoors workshop. I *may* have found someone to take the Utterly Huge Workbench out of my garage--seriously, the damn thing is 8 feet long, 7 feet tall, and almost 3 feet deep, and is in the Wrong Spot in the garage--and while the workshop is a Progress, I'm getting work done. I've trimmed the plants in the yard and gotten up the non-yard leaves. Since I now have a nice sharp lawnmower blade I may mow this weekend if the grass dries out enough.

TV: I am now officially addicted to The Blacklist. OMG Kevin Spacey! I may never forgive Person of Interest, American Horror Story is the Good Crack, Agents of SHIELD is finally coming together, and I just mainlined The Returned, a deliciously creepy French zombie miniseries. I hold out hopes for the return of Supernatural and Elementary, and Teen Wolf is still as wacky as ever. Justified came back with a bang (10 or 11 bodies?). And Sherlock. There's more, of course. But I have to read the new Pratchett book sometime....

Current Mood: accomplished
Crossposts: http://lillian13.livejournal.com/167986.html

Sunday was InLawMas. Went over to my sister-in-law's family Christmas, which they have always been gracious enough to invite me to. I took over a basket of earrings and tie bars, plus a couple of gift cards for a new mom and a college guy who would have no use for a tie bar. I got a couple of gift cards and a nice bottle of wine. We ate until we all fell over, then I went home and did laundry. :-)

Christmas and Christmas Eve were very pleasant. I do Christmas Eve with my friends J and L and J's mom. It was kind of low-key, because L's hedgehog had died that day. So, she wasn't very upbeat. (The vet said it looked like the breeder had been very bad with inbreeding; Lilo's heart was about 4x too large and there were other anatomical problems. (Though personally I've never seen the point in having a pet with a maximum lifespan of 5 years, she was a very cute and friendly critter.))

We went out to Threadgills to have a dinner we didn't have to make--yay grilled pork chops and applesauce and chocolate icebox pie!) and then we went back to open presents. Everyone liked what they got--I know I put a lot of thought into their presents, since I've known them for almost 30 years!

Christmas Day, the World's Best Niece and I went over to my brother's house. We had breakfast (Aunt Mary's rolls, bacon, and homemade eggnogg) and watched Emily, the visiting Golden Retriever, destroy things. My nephew called and we did stockings--stockings are big in my family--and presents, and talked and talked. Then the Niece went off to do Newly-Single-Woman Christmas with her mom and I went home to watch Hogfather.

My friends from Connecticut are in town, so we went to dinner last night and talked and talked. We're going to dinner tonight and then we're all watching the Dr Who Christmas Special, among other things.

House: In the midst of all this I had the home warranty folks over to work on the oven, which I noticed was running 5-75F too hot. Not only was the thermostat in need of replacement but the igniter needed to be replaced. The thermostat is ordered, and at least it's only running about 25F too hot now...I've also trimmed back all my plantings and raked up some of the leaves. At least I can see the sidewalks now! I'm torn between putting them out for the trash guys or starting a compost pile.

Tomorrow IkkiCon starts, so I'm spending about half of my vacation time dealing with tween and high school anime fans. Yay. The cash will be nice, though.

Crossposts: http://lillian13.livejournal.com/167518.html

So, my sister has been dead for almost 5 days.

I'm...surprisingly OK. I think I did most of my grieving over the last several weeks, and much of that was because I knew she was in pain and there wasn't anything I could do about it. I did cry some while hanging out in her hospital room on Friday, and I do a little when I actually TALK about it (as opposed to text or blog about it).

I am not a rend-your-garments, weep-and-wail kind of person. My feelings are my own and not generally for public consumption. I handle situations like this with humor and sarcasm and deflection. I dragged everyone (sister-in-law, brother-in-law, old friend who-might-as-well-be-family, and me) out to see Pacific Rim the day after Cindy died.

Disrespectful? No. I wanted everyone (especially Gregg, Cindy's widower) to have a break. To watch giant robots and monsters go at it. To forget we were in fucking MIDLAND* and my sister was dead and life was going to go on. And she would have fucking loved that movie.

By Sunday, though? I had Shut Down. I was drained and hating being back in my home town. Unable to contact my old BFF to get together. Tired of being in close contact with other people who all had these expectations of me. So, I drove us home (5+ hours), came home and collapsed.

I texted the sister-in-law to apologize for not being a Chatty Cathy/bitchy on the trip back the way I was on the trip out (see: deflection, above). Her description of me? "Cold Hard Bitch". Not in a mean way, mind you. Just...puzzled.

Look, I understand that I didn't collapse on you and cry and Need You. Sorry. Not me. (I've had people break off friendships with me because I didn't Need Them. WTF?) I know your personal role is Religious Nurturer, but I don't subscribe to that narrative.

I do not have public meltdowns. I Do Things. I research local funeral homes and find us the best one. I'm working on getting Cindy's remains interred at our family cemetery in Alabama. I'm going to be checking up on Gregg to make sure he's OK and reminding him it's alright to do things without her. This is how I handle stress and large emotions. So sorry I don't fit your stereotype.

*sigh*

* Someday I will articulate my feelings about that town. Suffice it to say, evacuate 30-40 folks, drop a nuke, and I'd be a happy person.

Current Mood: aggravated
Crossposts: http://lillian13.livejournal.com/164998.html

( House.... )
( Cancer... )

On a lighter note, my birthday week (aside from crappy sister-related news) has been...interesting. I was massively stressed out before the inspection, but I did make it to the gym both days this week. My trainer is greatly supportive and he was shocked to learn I was turning 49--he swore he thought I was 39! Nice ego-boost.

Had dinner at my favorite place--24Diner--on my birthday with my niece, her Hot Boyfriend, and my brother. Went next door to Waterloo Records afterward and bought my They Might Be Giants ticket for the October show. Thursday I saw Pacific Rim with

dremiel and OMG it's amazing. I really want to see it in IMAX now. Had dinner tonight with L & J. Got many random fun cards and some nice prezzies.

I also got into FenCon as a dealer this year!

Tomorrow I'm helping my friend Karen move and then into the workshop I go. I have a Steampunk Gathering on Tuesday and I need to add to my inventory. Plus, it's good therapy to make things.

...so, it's just as well I backed out of the house deal, huh.

Current Mood: depressed
Crossposts: http://lillian13.livejournal.com/164367.html

So, my emotional state has been all over the map. I was fine to work out with my Awesome Trainer J on Monday, but by yesterday afternoon it wasn't going to happen. Cindy called me at work and I'm sure she was trying to be helpful, telling me what was going on, but she was all "La la la, get the cancer fixed because it's really the heart valve we have to be worried about, la la la."

Then she calls me at 12:30 this morning. I thought I was going to have a heart attack when my phone went off and I saw the caller ID. Was she dead? What? No, she was calling me to let me know her surgery went fine. She was all fine!

Surgery? Well, her surgeon had talked about doing a procedure where they block off the "bad" lung, inflate it and fill it with talcum powder to force the bleeding bits to stick together and possibly heal. (It sounds really dumb to me, that's the lung where the cancer has infiltrated and is causing all the problems so I don't see how this will help, but I'm not an oncologist, so.) She referred to this procedure as Shake & Bake several times during the conversation. Anyway, they had an open slot in surgery so they decided to do it that afternoon.

Great. But why call me in the middle of the night? Oh, she had "lost time" and knew it was late, but would I call our brother and tell him? Since she couldn't remember his number to give the surgeon? (Why the HELL isn't this on her charts, I have no idea. Hopefully my brother will rectify this when he goes out there this weekend.) Then she blathered at me for another 10 minutes before I could get her to hang up.

I'm sure she was pretty heavily medicated, and I know she's scared. But crap, I did not need that. I'm already very short on sleep, stressed about going to ApolloCon this weekend, behind in getting things done for that. And now this. I cried for about 10 minutes after I hung up and then went to sleep. I feel faaaaaaabulous today, let me tell you. It's just busy enough at work that taking today off would just result in problems later, though I may try to leave early.

Anyway, enough blather. Here, have some of the results of my hard work this week:

Current Mood: stressed
Crossposts: http://lillian13.livejournal.com/163759.html

My sister has lung cancer.

She was in the hospital earlier this month (she called me while I was in Boston) with pneumonia. She got better, they sent her home with her meds, I did the family thing and sent her a huge box of paperbacks to read while she recovered.

Last Thursday her friend Virginia called me to tell me she was back in the hospital.

Friday the hospital called me to get my brother's number. They said her lung was pretty bad.

I called her husband's cell and his phone messages were full. Called my brother to see what was going on.

Today, within 5 minutes, I get a message from someone at Cindy (my sister)'s church to call her at the hospital, I get a text from my niece saying she and her dad were going to visit Cindy this coming weekend. Then my brother called.

Him: "You know what it means when a 58-year-old habitual smoker has severe pneumonia twice, right?"
Me: "I was hoping...but I guess it begins with L and ends with R."
Him: "You would be right. She's going to do chemo and everything, but don't hold out too much hope. She is in terrible shape, doesn't take care of herself, and I don't think she'll last long."

So they're going up there Saturday and back on Sunday. This is typical of my brother. (OMG! Hotel rooms there are so expensive! But I refuse to contact anyone I know to stay with them!) We both hate Midland with a fiery passion, but when I get a chance to go up in a few weeks I will spend more than 24 hours there. Mostly for my brother-in-law, who I know is going out of his mind.

I'll call Cindy tomorrow. Maybe. When I can talk to her without either crying or yelling at her.

This is going to be my big sister's journey and all I can do is be her little sister from 313 miles away. I already went through this hell with my mother, and now I have to go through it all again. My brother is going to retreat into Robo-Doctor, my sister-in-law will wave Jesus at me, and my niece and nephew really don't have any input as she is not a factor in their lives. So once again I will Take Care of Things.

This sucks.

I apologize in advance--I'm sure I'll be crazy with a side of extra-bitchy until this is all over one way or another.

~~Happy Fucking Father's Day.~~

Current Mood: numb
Crossposts: http://lillian13.livejournal.com/163359.html

My earlier post got me to thinking about my family dynamics, and why my brother operates on an emotional barter economy.

It's true; you don't ask him for a favor unless 1) he owes you something or 2) you don't mind owing him something later. Period. He will collect. Doing something nice just to do something nice for someone is not in his vocabulary anymore. It used to be, but as he's gotten older (he's 8 years older than me) he's gotten more set in his ways. And I just don't want to deal with it any more. I'm trying to leave that behind.

I was like that. I still can be, though I like to think I've gotten better. I still pat myself on the back when I do something without expecting anything in return. Because that's not how I was raised; in my household we were on a strict quid pro quo basis. I do not remember one instance of my mother and brother doing a spontaneous favor for me (though I'm sure they did, I just can't come up with one right now). If I wanted to get up on the weekend to make it to the SATs (for example) and I overslept, no one would wake me up if it meant they had to go even a little out of their way to do so. Ride to softball practice? Why? Can't you take your bike? (a.k.a., It inconveniences me and I see no payoff.)

It was how my mother saw the world. She used to tell me to make friends based on what they could do for me. I remember being utterly shocked, and her complete surprise at my shock. I'm fond of telling people I was raised by wolves. (It's true.)

As a consequence I grew up learning to never ask for help ("You're a smart girl, you can figure it out on your own!"), never expecting help (without repayment), and having to learn the art of doing things for others without expecting a payoff somewhere down the line. It's a work in progress.

All this doesn't really excuse my brother and his attitude today. It really stirred up some memories and thinky thoughts, which I hope are vaguely coherent.

Current Mood: contemplative
Crossposts: http://lillian13.livejournal.com/159801.html

So, my brother is getting divorced, and all of a sudden he's like, "You need to get off the family plan, it costs me too much money", which makes me boggle a bit because I'm pretty sure his son and daughter, both in their early 20's, neither of which have ever paid a phone bill, are racking up waaay more data, etc. than I am. Whatever. (He also blames me being on the plan on his wife, which is, frankly, a lie.)

So today he texts me and it's all, We Need to do This Today After 1:30. I call AT&T and find out that we don't have to do the conference call to transfer the number (which would cost me $18). He can just jump on a web site, fill out a little info, and then they contact me. Easy-peasy, no fee.

Oh, no. Mr Princess-Doctor can't do that. Texts me: "Just get them on the phone. Call office number I dontnhavebtime to fiddle w web shit" (direct copy)

So I seethe for a few minutes, and I call AT&T, who calls him. And guess what? After having us wait on hold for almost 10 minutes, he's "busy".

The lady on the phone was very nice. She left him a number to call back, and he can release the number, and then they'll contact me.

But he doesn't have time to get on the web. I call bullshit.

This behavior shouldn't surprise me; I guess I've gotten too used to having his wife (my Amazing Sister-in-Law) smooth things over for him. He's a passive-aggressive man whose mother never smacked him down when he needed it, is someone who has no interest in helping you out (see the $18) if he feels it will inconvenience him in any way. And he used to get mad at his son for exhibiting the same behavior....at least the Nephew has grown out of some of it.

sigh.

I need to get back in the workshop, but because my workshop benefactress is having a party tomorrow it will be Sunday before I can do it. I should work some more on my taxes and complete my application to the Austin Mini Maker Faire. But I may just go to a movie tonight.
This entry was originally posted at http://lillian13.dreamwidth.org/49193.html. Please comment there using OpenID.

Current Mood: infuriated

Current Mood: infuriated

...courtesy of The West Wing, surely one of the best-written shows on TV.

On a more personal note, we are having OMGWTFBBQ family drama, courtesy of my brother. Glad I already made plans to have dinner with my friends.

Current Mood: annoyed
Crossposts: http://lillian13.livejournal.com/118168.html

They get less and less fun the older I get.

( cut for holiday whining )

Current Mood: apathetic

Saturday at the Violet Crown Festival was very nice--the wind kicked up a little, but it was warm and sunny (and i now have a sunburned neck). Sales were very solid, which was good, but now I have a huge list of things to get done in the next two weeks, since I got in to the Wheatsville* show as well, and I need to make inventory for that.

Let's see:
I have a ticket to see Walking with Dinosaurs on Thursday night,
I'm going to the Texas Renaissance Festival on Saturday with the World's Best Niece--and possibly

dremieland her son,
Tuesday I get my "new" shop equipment--I scored a gorgeous huge workbench and some tools from a lovely woman who is liquidating her late husband's jewelry business (and who seems to have taken a shine to me),
I have all of next week off to ~~kill myself~~ make inventory,
I'm taking a metal etching class on the 28th and 29th,
The Wheatsville show is the 5th and 6th,
I have to bake for the Thanksgiving Potluck on Thursday at work and for a birthday on Friday,
I need to make room in the workshop for the above equipment,
Thanksgiving is in there somewhere (I vote for eating out!),
...and my sister is coming into town tonight.

Awesome!

* They were very late in informing the artists this year, but I was juried into the "main" area closest to the co-op. They've decided to use parking lots all up and down the block instead of the park, which will get us a lot more foot traffic.

Current Mood: busy

My father was a member of the US Army Air Corps in WWII, and served in the South Pacific. He never spoke to me of his service, but I do know he tried to re-enlist for the Korean War, but was "too old". (He was born in 1913.) He was a pilot and a small aircraft mechanic, and he taught me to shoot a rifle when I was five. I miss you, Daddy.

My mother worked for the Navy during WWII, "vetting" photos to be released to the press. I never thought about it much until I saw some of the uncensored photos from that time, and realized that a teenager (Mama was born in 1925) was looking over them every day. So, yes, I consider her a hero.

My oldest brother was a Marine in Vietnam. He was literally in one of the first battalions to hit the beach after war was officially declared. (His words: "We were coming back from maneuvers in the Philippines and instead of turning right at Hawai'i we turned left.") During his tour, his jeep drove over a land mine, throwing him out; he landed on his radio (he was the radioman), and broke his shoulder in two places. He passed away from a brain tumor before he turned 51.

My other brother was (and is) in the Navy (Reserves, now). He's a doctor, and for most of his career he has been attached to the Marines in one way or another. He was in Desert Shield /Desert Storm, setting up a Marine field hospital. He was also involved in Operation Iraqi Freedom, which he has described as a "lot of waiting around for people to decide if they needed doctors or not". He's a Captain in the Reserves.

My great uncle, who fought in WWI, commanding a "Negro engineering battalion". He gave me all the coins he'd collected and told me many stories I was probably way too young to hear.

Others: My brother-in-law, who served 4 years as an Army tanker in Germany. My first ex-boyfriend, who spent 12 years in the Navy. Another ex-boyfriend who became an emergency room doctor after serving in the Navy. Two different roommates who went back to Israel in order to serve their compulsory military service. A friend's husband who did two tours as a submariner. A good friend from college who became an Army Ranger. Another friend who served in Vietnam at the same time as my brother.

And my many, many relatives and ancestors, who fought in WWI, the Spanish-American War, the Civil War (both sides!) and the Revolutionary War.

I salute you.

Current Mood: contemplative

I remember the Apollo landing. I guess in LJ years, that makes me an official Old Fart. :-)

I was 5, and I had just gotten back from Houston where I was visiting my dad, sister, and the younger of my two brothers. (My parents divorced when I was 2.) My 5th birthday party had been memorable--one of the kids in the apartment complex managed to fall through our sliding glass patio door. He wasn't hurt, but we all still vividly remember my 5th birthday!

It was late for me to be up (after 9!) but Mama told me I should, and she sat on the sofa with Grandma, and I lay on the floor in front of our big old console black and white TV, and watched. To me, it was neat, and I liked listening to Walter Cronkite (I miss you Uncle Walter). For me, it's a fond memory, one I can bring up with a little bit of pride.

It was much more important to Mama--she was in her early 40's, not much younger than I am now, and she'd been reading science fiction for most of her life. For her, this was it. We were on the way to the stars! I remember her being so excited, and my Grandma being utterly thrilled--she remembered the Wright Brothers, you see...

But for Mama...I wish I'd had the chance to talk to her about it as an adult. She's been gone almost 18 years now, and I still miss her. I miss the conversations we never had, and now we never will.

Wow, this wandered off track. :-)

Happy 40th Moon Landing Anniversary!

Current Mood: contemplative

A few years back, just before he turned 50, my brother decided to rebuild a Mustang. Nothing old or classic; he just wanted to rebuild one from the ground up (engine, etc.) and then "race it". Oh-kay, whatever, midlife crises are fun to watch.

He has spent I don't know how much money over the last few years on parts, tools, another body to rebuild later, this that and the other thing. But it made him happy and he picked up a couple of friends doing it, so we all supported him. Right?

Well, last Thursday he puts the car on the trailer and takes it down to San Antonio to try it out on a quarter-mile track they have there.

Two guesses as to what happened.

Yep, it's totaled. He bounced off a wall. Twice. Brother has a mild concussion, some bruising, and a bunged-up rib. This is what happens when you take a car up to 100 mph on an unfamiliar track when you have racing slicks on it. (And frankly don't have that much experience at those speeds.) He is very very sad about the car. He handwaves the injuries.

The sister-in-law is furious, and with the exception of the Nephew (who thinks it was awesome), we all think he's crazy. Because, yes, he's already looking for another Mustang to rebuild.

*sigh*

Is this what they mean by testosterone poisoning?

Current Mood: aggravated

First, a bit of news stolen from

killerweasel: Thor has been cast! (And it's a great pick, IMHO.)

We (the World's Best Niece, my sister-in-law and I) had a wonderful day at Scarborough Faire in Waxahachie. We left early and got in not long after they opened. The weather was marvelous--a nice cool sunny day after the rainy front passed. There was quite a bit of mud, but they had spread a lot of gravel and hay and such to keep it from getting too bad. Saw J and R at the LA Williams booth, where I had fun chatting and the fam bought pictures. I joked that they were pre-disposed to buy his work because I have several of his prints and Artist's Proofs hanging on my walls from my years of running SF art shows.

We mostly wandered around--we did watch one of the Last Chance Forever shows and then Wine & Alchemy. I never knew a big, stocky, tattooed guy belly dancing would be so hot, and yet it was. CDs were acquired. Talk was passed around to the effect that all our future men should take such classes, as we were certain that whoever he's with appreciates his hip shimmys. We sure were!

We followed a rumor that there were ping-pong ball crossbows to be found, but alas, the person who told us they were there was misinformed. We went into any booth that looked like it would carry them (and quite a few that didn't--we had to be thorough, after all!), but eventually I remarked that if someone was selling them, there was certainly a dearth of loose ping-pong balls lying about. I had some fried ice cream to console myself; my sister-in-law had a funnel cake. We called it good.

I did buy a purse, and a bopper sword with which to torment Ripley the cat. As usual, I wore the Black Death t-shirt, and got a lot of smiles. New haircut kept my head cool, and we stopped for kolaches in West (as usual) on the way home. And of course, we talked and talked and talked. Good times! Can't wait until the Texas Renaissance Festival in the fall.

Current Mood: mellow

I used Baker's Secret on the pan, and the recipe I used baked up fine. I forgot that you really need to depan within 10 minutes, but I'm not sure that had anything to do with the slight sticking problem I had. I got about 80% of the cake out in 1 piece, and the rest in 3-4 pieces. It looks OK, and I should be able to disguise cracks with berries and sugar. The only time the damn thing came out perfectly was the first time I used the pan--I know now that it was taunting me.

I bought a Very Large Turkey (aka the Rock) tonight, along with stuff for my share of the sides. L and J and J's mother and I are doing Thanksgiving, and we decided to have a turkey big enough for leftovers for 4 people. Luckily my brother has a chest freezer and said I can store the Rock (and the green beans) until it's time to thaw.

...and it looks like my sister (and her husband) will be able to go with my brother and his family to Alabama for the Big Family Get-Together. I can't--it's too hard for me to get Wednesday off. I hope this helps her get her head together. She got her second DWI a few weeks ago, and I really hope it's finally scared her completely straight. She's going to counseling and seems to be serious about quitting drinking. I really really hope it sticks this time. They need to leave that craphole of a town they're in and get a fresh start somewhere else. *sigh*

Current Mood: determined
Current Music: Heroes

Ye gods, what a day.

The World's Best Niece had to move this weekend--seems that the crappy, crazy boyfriend she had from College Station has graduated into being a Crazy Stalker Ex-Boyfriend, complete with calling her so often she had to change her number, filing false police reports, etc. She now has a very slick Taser. And, as of this afternoon, a new apartment, one with an attached garage so she can park her car and go inside in peace.

She's 21. Welcome to the party, sister.

And her mother, who should totally know better, was getting on her ass about the new place. It was "too small" and her brother's room was "really tiny". I didn't say anything, because WBN is very good at giving more than she gets in those situations. I love my sister-in-law, but she tries too hard to live in a world of fuzzy puppies and kittens and white picket fences. To the point where she willfully Will Not Get It, sometimes. Yes, it cost a lot of money to break the lease and move your daughter. Would you rather have saved it and had her attacked? *facepalm*

To add to the stress, The Nephew a) had not packed anything and b) had stayed out all night at his girlfriend's place. He showed up about 11 and was forcibly detained by his parents--he was all ready to just breeze in and leave to work a double shift. Didn't happen. (Insert rant here about parents who have let his behavior slide for 18 years...)

We finally got everything moved by 2. For all that my brother is a Heap-Big-Wig Naval Officer, he is terrible about organizing this kind of stuff. He just didn't do enough moving in college, I guess. This tiny move? Should have happened in about 3 hours, tops. Too much flailing, too much drama, not enough warm bodies. I told her to call me first, the next time she has to move.

Then I had to run all the errands I was going to run early in the day, before the Longhorns Game Day craziness started. Got my hair cut, picked up a car part waaay out in Del Valle, finally found (hopefully) an acceptable present for my brother's birthday. Found the last of the beads I need for the lanyards I owe to the Sweet Charity auction. Got the Brobdingnagian Bards new live CD, Death to Unicorns, With Laughter. Will post it if anyone wants it.

However, I have now had a slice of Hyde Park Fudge Cake and am contemplating pizza. Going to MakerFaire tomorrow (free tickets, yay).

Current Mood: cranky
Current Music: BoSox vs Devil Rays

Backstory: It's weird. Everyone has blind spots. Mine has to do with time. Specifically, remembering past dates. I mean, I seriously suck at it. Want to know when I worked/lived somewhere? You'd better hope I have access to my resume or something similar, otherwise be prepared to listen to me try to attach happenings, etc. to a timeline. (I know I graduated in December of 1989, so I started this job in 1990....) Yes, I remember birthdays...because they are marked on several calendars, my PDA, and at least two websites. Otherwise, I would never remember them. As it is, there are years like this one, when all my cards are late.

Which brings up this week. My Mama died this week. In um....1991. I could look up the exact date, but frankly, I don't want to remember it. I know it's after the 2nd (my brother's anniversary), and before the 7th. So, I tend to get depressed and tetchy during this week.

It's been 17 years. My about-to-turn-18 nephew never knew her, and my about-to-turn-21 niece only remembers her through old photos. It's been 17 years, and I still see something--a book, a movie, some awful piece of un-proofread publishing--and I want to pick up the phone and tell her about it. It's been 17 years, and I still dream about her, sometimes.

I refuse to idolize or canonize her. Her smoking, frankly, killed her far too early, and left me with some lung problems. She was prickly and private, and the older I got the more we butted heads. She never really knew me or saw me as an adult. I don't know what kind of relationship we'd have now. She was a child of her times (born in the 20's), and I spent years untangling all the prejudices she saddled me with. She started me reading SF when I was 7, so I she's responsible, pretty directly, for me being on LJ.

She was a tough broad. I miss her.

Current Location: waiting on pizza
Current Music: watching the olympics

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lillian13

by Lillian

September 2019

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Page Summary

Families and the maintenance thereof
Happy Boxing Day!
On grief, grieving, and expectations
Several things make a post
Stress, you are in me
Fuck it. Just fuck it.
Familial blackamail
I'm going to kill my brother, I swear
I'm going to kill my brother, I swear
My favorite bit of Thanksgiving TV
Holidays. Yeah.
So, how full are your holidays?
Remebering "my" veterans today
Wow, has it really been 40 years?
If I were Alanis Morissette I'd be misusing the word "ironic" about now
A fun Sunday
Bundt pan 1.5, Me 0.5
Isn't this supposed to be my damn day off?
Heh. So THATS why I've been off this week

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Entries tagged with family

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Families and the maintenance thereof

Happy Boxing Day!

On grief, grieving, and expectations

Several things make a post

Stress, you are in me

Fuck it. Just fuck it.

Familial blackamail

I'm going to kill my brother, I swear

I'm going to kill my brother, I swear

My favorite bit of Thanksgiving TV

Holidays. Yeah.

So, how full are your holidays?

Remebering "my" veterans today

Wow, has it really been 40 years?

If I were Alanis Morissette I'd be misusing the word "ironic" about now

A fun Sunday

Bundt pan 1.5, Me 0.5

Isn't this supposed to be my damn day off?

Heh. So THATS why I've been off this week