Fuck it. Just fuck it.

[lillian13]

 My sister has lung cancer.

She was in the hospital earlier this month (she called me while I was in Boston) with pneumonia. She got better, they sent her home with her meds, I did the family thing and sent her a huge box of paperbacks to read while she recovered.

Last  Thursday her friend Virginia called me to tell me she was back in the hospital.

Friday the hospital called me to get my brother's number. They said her lung was pretty bad.

I called her husband's cell and his phone messages were full. Called my brother to see what was going on.

Today, within 5 minutes, I get a message from someone at Cindy (my sister)'s church to call her at the hospital, I get a text from my niece saying she and her dad were going to visit Cindy this coming weekend. Then my brother called.

Him: "You know what it means when a 58-year-old habitual smoker has severe pneumonia twice, right?" 
Me: "I was hoping...but I guess it begins with L and ends with R."
Him: "You would be right. She's going to do chemo and everything, but don't hold out too much hope. She is in terrible shape, doesn't take care of herself, and I don't think she'll last long."

So they're going up there Saturday and back on Sunday. This is typical of my brother. (OMG! Hotel rooms there are so expensive! But I refuse to contact anyone I know to stay with them!) We both hate Midland with a fiery passion, but when I get a chance to go up in a few weeks I will spend more than 24 hours there. Mostly for my brother-in-law, who I know is going out of his mind. 

I'll call Cindy tomorrow. Maybe. When I can talk to her without either crying or yelling at her.

This is going to be my big sister's journey and all I can do is be her little sister from 313 miles away. I already went through this hell with my mother, and now I have to go through it all again. My brother is going to retreat into Robo-Doctor, my sister-in-law will wave Jesus at me, and my niece and nephew really don't have any input as she is not a factor in their lives. So once again I will Take Care of Things.

This sucks.

I apologize in advance--I'm sure I'll be crazy with a side of extra-bitchy until this is all over one way or another.

Happy Fucking Father's Day.

Comments

[tehomet]

Dreadful news. Your poor sister, and poor you. I'm so sorry.

[wolfshark]

*hugs*

[blueraccoon]

*hugs* I'm so sorry, honey. If you need a shoulder to lean on/cry on/yell at, I'm around.

[mtl]

Bah.
Humbug.

{{{{{hugs}}}}}

[domarzione]

Despite too much experience watching a loved one die of lung cancer (Dad stopped smoking thirty years beforehand), I have no useful advice and there's nothing to say to make all of this suck any less. This will be her journey, but you will have yours, too, and I hope that they both go as easily as they can.

[vickita]

Oh, man. I am so sorry. ::hugs::

Family is a challenge. I grok this concept.

[stir-of-echoes.livejournal.com]

I am so sorry.

[marthawells.livejournal.com]

Oh no, I am so sorry. *hugs* Fuck cancer.

[tsarina.livejournal.com]

D:<

I'm so sorry Lillian.

[sweptawaybayou.livejournal.com]

omgosh. i'm so sorry.

*hugshugshugshugshugs*

[bfly.livejournal.com]

I am so sorry, Lillian. That's an emotional roller coaster I'm all too familiar with, and I'm really sad to hear that you and your family are riding it.