I'm going to kill my brother, I swear

So, my brother is getting divorced, and all of a sudden he's like, "You need to get off the family plan, it costs me too much money", which makes me boggle a bit because I'm pretty sure his son and daughter, both in their early 20's, neither of which have ever paid a phone bill, are racking up waaay more data, etc. than I am. Whatever. (He also blames me being on the plan on his wife, which is, frankly, a lie.)

So today he texts me and it's all, We Need to do This Today After 1:30. I call AT&T and find out that we don't have to do the conference call to transfer the number (which would cost me $18). He can just jump on a web site, fill out a little info, and then they contact me. Easy-peasy, no fee.

Oh, no. Mr Princess-Doctor can't do that. Texts me: "Just get them on the phone. Call office number I dontnhavebtime to fiddle w web shit" (direct copy)

So I seethe for a few minutes, and I call AT&T, who calls him. And guess what? After having us wait on hold for almost 10 minutes, he's "busy". 

The lady on the phone was very nice. She left him a number to call back, and he can release the number, and then they'll contact me.

But he doesn't have time to get on the web. I call bullshit.

This behavior shouldn't surprise me; I guess I've gotten too used to having his wife (my Amazing Sister-in-Law) smooth things over for him. He's a passive-aggressive man whose mother never smacked him down when he needed it, is someone who has no interest in helping you out (see the $18) if he feels it will inconvenience him in any way. And he used to get mad at his son for exhibiting the same behavior....at least the Nephew has grown out  of some of it.

sigh. 

I need to get back in the workshop, but because my workshop benefactress is having a party tomorrow it will be Sunday before I can do it. I should work some more on my taxes and complete my application to the Austin Mini Maker Faire. But I may just go to a movie tonight.

I'm going to kill my brother, I swear

So, my brother is getting divorced, and all of a sudden he's like, "You need to get off the family plan, it costs me too much money", which makes me boggle a bit because I'm pretty sure his son and daughter, both in their early 20's, neither of which have ever paid a phone bill, are racking up waaay more data, etc. than I am. Whatever. (He also blames me being on the plan on his wife, which is, frankly, a lie.)

So today he texts me and it's all, We Need to do This Today After 1:30. I call AT&T and find out that we don't have to do the conference call to transfer the number (which would cost me $18). He can just jump on a web site, fill out a little info, and then they contact me. Easy-peasy, no fee.

Oh, no. Mr Princess-Doctor can't do that. Texts me: "Just get them on the phone. Call office number I dontnhavebtime to fiddle w web shit" (direct copy)

So I seethe for a few minutes, and I call AT&T, who calls him. And guess what? After having us wait on hold for almost 10 minutes, he's "busy". 

The lady on the phone was very nice. She left him a number to call back, and he can release the number, and then they'll contact me.

But he doesn't have time to get on the web. I call bullshit.

This behavior shouldn't surprise me; I guess I've gotten too used to having his wife (my Amazing Sister-in-Law) smooth things over for him. He's a passive-aggressive man whose mother never smacked him down when he needed it, is someone who has no interest in helping you out (see the $18) if he feels it will inconvenience him in any way. And he used to get mad at his son for exhibiting the same behavior....at least the Nephew has grown out  of some of it.

sigh. 

I need to get back in the workshop, but because my workshop benefactress is having a party tomorrow it will be Sunday before I can do it. I should work some more on my taxes and complete my application to the Austin Mini Maker Faire. But I may just go to a movie tonight.
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Familial blackamail

 My earlier post got me to thinking about my family dynamics, and why my brother operates on an emotional barter economy.

It's true; you don't ask him for a favor unless 1) he owes you something or 2) you don't mind owing him something later. Period. He will collect. Doing something nice just to do something nice for someone is not in his vocabulary anymore. It used to be, but as he's gotten older (he's 8 years older than me) he's gotten more set in his ways. And I just don't want to deal with it any more. I'm trying to leave that behind.

I was like that. I still can be, though I like to think I've gotten better. I still pat myself on the back when I do something without expecting anything in return. Because that's not how I was raised; in my household we were on a strict quid pro quo basis. I do not remember one instance of my mother and brother doing a spontaneous favor for me (though I'm sure they did, I just can't come up with one right now). If I wanted to get up on the weekend to make it to the SATs (for example) and I overslept, no one would wake me up if it meant they had to go even a little out of their way to do so. Ride to softball practice? Why? Can't you take your bike? (a.k.a., It inconveniences me and I see no payoff.)

It was how my mother saw the world. She used to tell me to make friends based on what they could do for me. I remember being utterly shocked, and her complete surprise at my shock. I'm fond of telling people I was raised by wolves. (It's true.)

As a consequence I grew up learning to never ask for help ("You're a smart girl, you can figure it out on your own!"), never expecting help (without repayment), and having to learn the art of doing things for others without expecting a payoff somewhere down the line. It's a work in progress. 

All this doesn't really excuse my brother and his attitude today. It really stirred up some memories and thinky thoughts, which I hope are vaguely coherent.